Okay, I know
I’ve been neglectful when it comes to writing for my blog, but I have to work
for a living, and there are only so many hours in each day, as well as each night. This morning, however, (It's now after 1:00 AM), I’m
going to make up for my negligence by sharing the latest news from the murky, alligator-and-mosquito-infested
swamplands of southwest Louisiana.
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| Photo by Bob Carriker |
Are you ready?
Well, ready or not, here is the latest news from an area known for its
drive-thru daiquiri shops, fanatical Saints fans, zydeco and swamp pop music,
and seemingly endless round of festivals in celebration of everything, and I do
mean everything, not just Mardi Gras, but really strange things like frogs,
crawfish, rice, and boudin (that's rice-stuffed hog guts, and there's actually an annual "boudin cookoff"). In fact, I have never seen people so into partying as they are here in “The Heart of Acadiana.” But that’s enough chitchat for tonight (this morning). As promised,
here’s the news:
According to
a brief item in Monday’s The Advocate,
aka “my newspaper of choice,” a rapper named Lil Wayne, of whom I’ve never
heard, probably because I don’t listen to rap music, was cited in Kenner,
Louisiana for an “unmowed lawn” (“Unmowed”
isn’t a recognized word, but since this is a direct quote, I’m using it.) The
citation was issued “sometime between February 26 and March 2,” (I guess no one’s
sure of the date) because Lil Wayne’s grass was threatening to grow over the
roof of his $1.7 million mansion, which, by the way, is for sale if you’re in
the market for a mansion. Oh, and get this, according to the article, “The
master suite has a fireplace with his and her baths and a steam room sauna and
Jacuzzi” (2012, p. 2B, para. 5). I don’t know about you, but I would sure like
to see that fireplace. How on earth, pray tell, did the builder get two baths,
a steam room, a sauna, and a Jacuzzi in a fireplace? It sure must be one heck
of a big fireplace.
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| Photo by Tobias Toft |
Next, again
according to Monday’s The Advocate, a
“cat hoarder” was arrested in a “narcotics case” (p. 2B). Anyway, this woman had
more than 50 cats inside her mobile home (Hmm, I wonder whether it was a
singlewide or doublewide). As the article relates, the deputies “were met with
an odor of ammonia and a ‘bunch of meows’” (p. 2B). Well, I’m sure they were.
Can you imagine the smell of that litter box? Then again, surely there was more
than one litter box. We are talking about 50 cats, after all. But maybe there was only one litter box, and the mere
thought of the odor that had to be emanating from that one box is enough to
make my hair stand on end. And can you imagine the cacophony created by 50 cats
meowing in unison? Now, don’t’ get me wrong, because I love cats. In fact, we
own two (Or do they own us?), but 50? Why, the mere thought of 50 cats running
around in a house, not to mention a mobile home, is enough to give me
nightmares. And come to think of it, I did have a nightmare about our house
being overrun by cats the night after I read this article, and I awakened in a
cold sweat.
All right,
and for the next bit of news from southwest Louisiana, we turn to Tuesday’s The Advocate, which relates how a former
candidate for a parish sheriff’s position “was booked on counts of insurance
fraud and felony theft,” according to Louisiana State Police (p.8B). Turns out
this guy allegedly claimed “three television sets and a laptop computer were
stolen in an April burglary” (p. 8B). According to the article, as the investigation
demonstrated, the guy ostensibly purchased the goods at a Walmart in one town
then returned them to a Walmart in another town several days later, where he
received a full refund, after which he purportedly claimed the goods had been
stolen, provided his insurance company with the original receipts, and the
insurance company issued him a check for slightly over $2,000. And what’s this
guy’s excuse? (Crooks always have an excuse, don’t they?) Well, he said that “the
entire incident was a mistake” (p. 8B). It was a mistake? Ah, come on now. I’ve got news for him; the word “mistake”
means “error, blunder, oversight, or boo-boo.” Doing what he “allegedly” did
was not a mistake; it was a crime. It
was also stupid. And he wanted to be Sheriff? Give me a break. Would Sheriff
Andy Taylor of Mayberry do something that stupid? I don’t
think so.
Also from
Tuesday’s The Advocate (p. 8B), we
have this newsworthy item: There were “16 confirmed cases of scabies reported
among students at an area elementary school and high school (the two schools
share the same building). In case you are unfamiliar with scabies, as the
article relates, it is “a contagious skin infection caused when microscopic
mites burrow into the skin and lay eggs, according to the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention’s website” (p. 8B). Oh, well, but not to worry, for the outbreak
has obviously been contained because “workers disinfected the school over the
weekend” (p. 8B). Hmm, right, but if I had kids attending either of those schools,
I think I would spray them down with Raid before I’d let them back into the
house.
And for the
grand finale, which is from Wednesday’s The
Advocate . . . . Uh, oh, and I guess I now have to apologize, for I just reviewed
the Acadiana & Business section
of the paper, which provides the local news, and there isn’t one even remotely
amusing account to be found, and I don’t want to write about news that isn’t at
least somewhat amusing, anyway not tonight. So, that said, I guess that’s all
the news for today; and don’t forget; you heard (read) it first here on Georgia
Southern Exposure, the news source for “folks who just gotta know but don’t
wanna read the newspaper,” leastwise not The
Advocate, aka “my newspaper of choice.”
Source:
The Advocate (2012) Acadiana & Business; Baton
Rouge, LA; Monday, March 20, p.2B; Tuesday, March 21, p. 8B.
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