The Downside to Being a Somebody

Photo by Rusty Boxcars

Okay, so now I have to eat my words. Last night I blogged about the humiliation of tweeting on Twitter without having any followers. Well, as of today, I now have five followers. Yes, that's right, five! 

Of course, I have to wonder about anyone who would want to follow me on Twitter. After all, who am I? To borrow from the late-and-great Emily Dickinson, "I'm nobody. Who are you? Are you nobody too?" See, there, I admit it: I'm a nobody. Then again, being a nobody has certain advantages, wouldn't you agree? 

For instance, when you're a nobody, you don't have to worry about other people's admiring, emulating, or imitating you. Just think about it. If you were, oh, say, Jennifer Anniston or Johnny Depp, you'd never be able to enjoy doing things like shopping at Walmart (not that you'd want to shop there, but this is hypothetical situation) because you would be constantly inundated by adoring fans wanting your autograph or, heaven forbid, wanting to pinch you to see if you were real and, therefore, capable of feeling pain the way a real person does. You'd also see "clones" of yourself everywhere, since people would want to look like you. They would fix their hair the same way as you, dress the same way, and even walk and talk the same way. What's more, you'd never be able to go out in public wearing just any old thing or with your hair mussed, gain a few extra pounds, or stuff your face with double-cheeseburgers at a drive-thru without waking up the next day to extremely unflattering photos of yourself plastered on the covers of all the tabloids, which, by the way, you would try to read in the checkout line at Walmart but not be able to read because the checker would be pinching you to see if you were real.

Now, all of that said, I am still admittedly quite amazed that anyone would actually want to follow my tweets on Twitter, as well as a little thrilled--not a lot thrilled, just a little. The problem, however, is that since I now have followers, I feel obligated to give them something to follow, and that sense of obligation just adds to my already hectic schedule. Moreover, the time I spend tweeting on Twitter could be better spent writing something considerably more substantial, for example, my next novel. Hmm, then again, now that I think about it, maybe I should simply write my next novel as a series of tweets. I'll title the novel The Tweet That Never Died; The Long, Long Tweet; or, hey, what about, Tweet to Eternity?